What Happens When you Get What You Wish For

Jen Lang: 00:00:08

This is no halos here hosted by Jen Lang and Jane Stark, the place to inspire a change in your consciousness to elevate the world. We're to heart centered business owners nourishing our inner rebels while growing our respective businesses.

Jane Stark: 00:00:22

No halos here is the result of bringing together an opera singer turned spiritual mentor and a marketing professional turned well being coached to meditate daily. Together, we unite physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energies into a powerful presence to lead, heal and inspire. We love exploring the shadowed edges of life, the universe and beyond through honest and thought provoking conversations. Let's dive in.

Jen Lang: 00:00:48

Hi, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of no halos here with Jen Lang and Jane Stark. Today, we are talking about what happens when your wishes come true. dot dot dot.

Jane Stark: 00:01:06

Funny Hey, we all think like we all put these things out there for what we what we want to create in our lives. And then oftentimes, I see I know I've done it in my life, it all of a sudden comes to fruition. And I get really uncomfortable, and really like, what is this like, or it comes to fruition in a way that you didn't actually really see coming or think it would. And so you almost don't even see that that thing has manifested in your life. So we kind of wanted to talk about this and unpack it.

Jen Lang: 00:01:44

Yeah, I definitely want to dive into this because we both are that we both have stories or occasions when what we have wished for has come true not necessarily in the form that we have wanted. Or we have sabotaged my MC, we've all done it we've all sabotage the situation where we think what we want we wish for, and then something happens and it shifts and all of a sudden, you're back to square one. And what has actually been the result of a sort of a self sabotage or another action that you think might be disconnected from the situation. But it's actually your energy and your body keeping you safe. So let's get a bit more concrete on some of those examples. Because I think that it's easy to talk about that this sort of general level. But I'm in the actually I'll, I'll start because I'm in the process, I was just going to jump right in, I'm just going to totally disclose like I've had a busy couple of weeks. And I used to wear the busy badge of honor or watch, Dan and I've talked about this in other episodes, I used to wear the busy badge, love debt, like defined myself by how busy I was. And this habit still shows up for me, even though I do take some part of my buisiness now is taking time out for self care. And for that rest and for reflection. So recently, I've gone through a major schedule shedding, it's still actually in process. But what I have decided to let go from my life right now temporarily, is karate. And karate is a big part of who I am, identify strongly with it, I would not be the you know, the person I am and have the same. I don't know if I really have the same life if I hadn't started karate over 20 years ago, and have it come in and out of my life depending on where I am in the world. And so this was a conscious decision to step back from regular practice and free up that time in my schedule. Ideally, you know, I would have been going or having a class four times a week, Tuesday and Thursday evenings, Saturday morning and Sunday morning. And part of this came out of a conversation that my husband and I had last weekend. But what it on initially I had decided just to take out Sunday and Thursday and go Tuesday, Tuesday morning in person and Saturday morning online. And then upon deeper further reflection, a little bit of excavation, I was like, Okay, well what would it feel like if I paused for this and really let that go for a time and allow something that needs to come and that doesn't have the space to come in to appear. So I've been sitting in the discomfort of that right now. And

Jane Stark: 00:04:34

it's kind of working for you.

Jen Lang: 00:04:36

It's it's uncomfortable. I feel myself wanting to go Hey, should I do you know, 100 days of Facebook Lives and Jan was like, No, that is filling your schedule again. So it is noticing the urge and the impulse to fill that time with another activity.

Jane Stark: 00:04:54

Yeah, and I think that's that's sort of the piece that I've I've been seeing this show up with some other clients of mine as well, where all of a sudden, you know, they've, they've wished for something or kind of we've talked about, well, I really want this or I really feel like if I had this, then that's another one to be conscious of right in this then. And, you know, with a couple of them, it's, it's all of a sudden, the things that they had wanted have come to fruition. And they're like, this actually doesn't feel good, this feels kind of uncomfortable, and yucky, or whatever the thing may be. And I know, Jen and I, this week, I've had some conversations around that with her schedule, where she's kind of going, you know, like her example of, should I do 100 days of Facebook Live? Or, oh, I need to add more structure? I'm not, I'm not getting my things done, I need more structure when it's like, do you or are you just feeling a little bit uncomfortable, because you've actually moved some of your structure out of your schedule to create that space for things. And one of my coaches a couple years ago, called this the void. And, you know, and it really I remember when I was in this place, it didn't look quite the same. It wasn't so much around creating the space. And I'll be quite honest, I can't remember exactly what it was for me at the time. But I just remember very distinctly having this conversation with him. And he's like, yeah, you're in the void. And it's uncomfortable. You're in that in between space, like, what you what you've wanted, what you've what you've been working towards creating is starting to come to fruition. But your whole system is going Whoa, whoa, this feels different. This looks different. What do I do with this, right? Because we're so programmed to know how certain things look and feel. And it becomes just a part of our, our days and our ways, and it's what our body knows. And we all of a sudden have to go into kind of a recalibration. And so in that space, it's very easy to sabotage. And yeah, that's kind of the conversations I've been having behind the scenes with clients over the past couple weeks where I've had to really support them through and show them where they're sabotaging themselves, because they're feeling uncomfortable. The other thing that's coming up around, it seems to be I feel like you're not alone in terms of the creating the space, that seems to be a common theme, like within the clients that I'm talking to as well. And I think the other piece with that is when we create space, then we actually create space for our feelings and our emotions. Yeah, that's where the discomfort lies as well, right? Like we're not, we're not overly strong at allowing our feelings and emotions to just be and to, like, sit with them and move through them. And I'm seeing, you know, a lot of that. And, you know, you mentioned the busy badge of honor. I mean, I used to wear it loud and proud to. And yeah, it is uncomfortable when we start to let go of that and go Hmm, you know, and it's so interesting, because everybody talks about how they don't want to be busy yet. Is that really true? I think,

Jen Lang: 00:08:18

yeah. And I, I really think you're onto something there, especially around the giving space for the feelings and for the discomfort to come forth. Because I think that's why a lot of people do stay busy. Now, I also grew up with two parents who, you know, made a big deal of being busy or in motion. And it's really it's absolutely free America. Definitely North America, even Actually, I remember in Vietnam. When Kirk and I were visiting our first homestay, our first Airbnb host, she was she was an Airbnb host, a professional photographer. And something else she did like cooking or, or she ran a little shop out like a little her son ran a cell phone shop outside of their home. Now that may have been like the necessities to keep her life going. And at the same time, she was always doing something she insisted on taking a photograph when we arrived. And, you know, she was she was lovely. And when she started talking more about her work we were we were like, when do you have time to eat or to cook or to you know, and those those aspects I've been reflecting for myself even on this week, because Kirk's away up Island an hour north helping out friends with with some of the work on their their farm. And even in the scope of this week, just having that extra dog walk added. And, you know, yeah, I had the gray space and grace, right, didn't have to clean up the kitchen, you know, for a couple of days, mostly because I was like, I was just like too many things going on in my business as I let go. And at the same time, I'm like, I'm tired. I don't want to be doing all the all things. That's what helped me make that choice to let go. I mean, I only have kids, but one of my really good friends, she is constantly driving herself, or one of or both of her two boys to various items like golf or soccer or badminton or sailing or something, you know?

Jane Stark: 00:10:20

Yeah. And yes, kids definitely adds an element. But I would also just, you know, I think, you know, looking at you and I, you're as busy if not busier than I am with two kids, right? So yes, the kids do add an element. But is it really deeper than that? It's about it's more it's just the busy we can find a million ways to keep ourselves busy, right? We've lost that art of actually just allowing space and being and boredom.

Jen Lang: 00:10:54

You finish your thought I have a question for you after Yeah, no, go for it. Was it he? I can't remember it. We were talking in conversation or it was someone else we were speaking to. Or maybe I was speaking to them. But basically, they did a survey whoever, wherever this was, it might have been I was talking to Laura. But they just survey and they ask people would you rather like sit?

Jane Stark: 00:11:18

Oh, yeah. No, we who are we? talking to somebody about this?

Jen Lang: 00:11:21

We're talking to somebody about this? Would you rather sit with Carolyn? Brookfield, Carolyn? Brookfield? Caroline? Yes, right? from last week's episode? Yeah, the episode on creativity is it would you rather sit alone sit without your phone for 10 minutes or receive electric shocks? That was it. And they would people would like shape up to electric

Unknown: 00:11:38

shocks. So just

Jen Lang: 00:11:41

that so and it's funny because you know, you and I grew up in a time before like, far before cellphones before. Like more than I think there was like maybe, maybe 10 television channels growing up, you know, pre internet in homes. If your show was on your show was on and you sat down on the couch and watched it when it was on. And you might catch a replay the next week, if they if the timing was right. So it's, it's such a different way of being. And so when I asked for more spaciousness, like, my word for September was to simplify. And out of that I wanted more spaciousness about that.

Jane Stark: 00:12:20

So right universe, the universe is like, yeah, here you go, Jen. Let's just step out and you're like, I need more structure. And I need more systems. And I need more like, yeah, fascinating,

Jen Lang: 00:12:33

very real example. So this void you mentioned, I'm currently sitting in the middle of this void right now, like this is, this is a very fresh decision for me less than four days. So it's a super fresh, I'm sitting in that discomfort. And I'm sure next week, I will also be managing that discomfort. I've got one more karate class next Tuesday. It's degrading, I'm helping out with. And then I'm paused. And I frankly, a part of me is feeling relief around the space. And at the same time, I also feel that it's, there's other things going on that need to come forth that didn't have the space to come forth. Yeah. And I can feel the beauty and

Jane Stark: 00:13:22

the gift in it, but you can feel them, but you might not be able to see them yet. Yeah, I mean, my personal example that I was going to share about is the time about a year ago, right? Yeah, in my life, when I was feeling stuck. I was feeling a bit stuck in business, I was feeling stuck at home in life, like our just our family life, my husband was in a job that was pretty demanding. My kids weren't super happy COVID hit, we were all like, most of us, we were all kind of all of a sudden found ourselves in the house 24 seven together. But even before that, they're just I could just tell that I was like, okay, they're just we need to shift we need to reset. And I didn't know exactly what that was going to look like. But I knew that that's what we needed. And I had started to do the the internal work around that. Because I knew at the same time, I knew that the only thing that I could do was look at what I had control over like my sphere of influence. And that's, you know, my attitude and my actions. And so I started doing that work. And as you do, we think like we go to like the nice, you know, like, feel good, this would be beautiful. I want to manifest this, you know, a beautiful, deep connected relationship with my husband and my kids are thriving and all the things and what that how that actually came to fruition was my husband getting laid off from his job, which then led us into and then you know, going back to school in a time of COVID when there was so much uncertainty and All of a sudden there was these opportunities to potentially try out homeschooling in a different way and in a different fashion. And so we ended up deciding to homeschool our two daughters and my husband took the year off work like that was out of left field. Never saw that coming in when I was doing the work. And when I was reflecting on what I want, and what this family reset could look like, right? And yet, thank goodness, I'm grateful that I have done enough of my own work that I wish I had the tools to not spin out and sabotage that. And we did it for a year and it was hard. And I don't regret a minute of it. And it's been the most beautiful gift. And now we're moving into, you know, pivoting part two. Yeah. Yeah, that looks totally different, but feels really spacious. We it felt like we had to go through that, that time and that space. So I guess in a way, even that last year was a little bit of the void, it just looked a little bit different than it has in the past for me. And I think I had more tools to navigate it, I think has where we're at now is more aligned with the vision, the feelings that I was sinking into as to how I wanted to feel like my kids. Were back now what are we the second or third week of September, my kids have both gone back to school, it looks different than pre, you know, when we left. One of them's at a different school. They're both thriving, they're both really loving it and enjoying it and husband's going back to work. And so it was like, oh, and he's going back to work in it in a different role than he's ever been in. So it feels like there's this new energy fresh start. Yeah. But like I say the past year, I mean, if you ask him a little bit more upbeat about it than he is granted. He's, he's he took on the home role, right? And really got to sink his teeth into what it's like to be home full time and have two kids home full time.

Jen Lang: 00:17:11

God bless. Yes, so totally.

Jane Stark: 00:17:15

But you know, so I guess, you know, as I'm speaking about this out loud, I'm like, that was a bit of the void. Like I say, it was not all rainbows and unicorns,

Jen Lang: 00:17:25

then also, like, it's an interesting point about the void space, because the void, in institutionalize for you was spread out over 12 months, it wasn't, you know, for me, this void is probably going to be shorter and more compact. And like, you know, people, business owners talk about this, when they're launching as well. There's the initial promotional period, where you have, you know, a bunch of people, you buying or signing up for your product. And then you have the void, which is the space of time between when they've launched, and then when doors close, and it's this space, space of time when people aren't necessarily buying and that's when you get stuck. That's when the mindset work really comes into play around seeing something through to the other side. And then, you know, you go through that, and you're close your launch, and you have your results. Yeah, when we're talking about it in our own lives. I think sometimes when we're going through a process like this, we don't necessarily give ourselves the chance to grieve for who and what that was before. Yeah, and this is where I'm at right now is recognizing that I'm grieving, the conscious choice to step back from karate for a time. And, you know, I cried when I sent my letter to my senses and my fellow instructors, because it's, it's a huge like, I love it in so many ways. But I knew that shift needed to happen on there is something more that needs to come through through that spaciousness. It's not the only thing that dropped away, there was a few other things that I'm still I'm still in the process of, of, sort of, I don't know, trimming the trimming the hedge or whatever you want to call it like it's it is one of those pruning, pruning, that's a better way of putting it I'm actively choosing which branches to prune, so that the growth can come back even more full, an extra round. And it's you know, it's fall right now. So it's good. And here in BC, when I go through life shifts, it's usually this time of year or somewhere during mid September, and the end of October. So this again, I think we talked to in a couple of weeks ago about moving with the energy of the season that that's this week's episodes, it was Episode 2727. Working with the power of the seasonal change, so I am working with the power of the seasonal change, doesn't mean it's easy, doesn't mean it's not uncomfortable.

Jane Stark: 00:19:57

And that's I think that's the main message here. To Raiders, how to catch this how to not sabotage, when we're in this, I mean, had you gone and filled your schedule with 100 Facebook Lives and totally no whatever all the other structures and things you wanted, you risked missing the gift that you wanted to create. And like you say, creating for you, it feels very much like you're opening space and creating room for something new to grow, well, we sabotage you feel that, and all of a sudden, the thing can't grow again. And then where are you in a year? Like, you know, oftentimes hear that too, like, all of a sudden, you know, are you in the same place a year later or six months later? And looking at that, so catching like that discomfort? And what is it showing us? And what is it? What is the message and also being conscious about what we want to create. And that was I think that's a big piece of what got me through the last year was, I knew that a it wasn't going to be like, it could have been forever, like we could have decided with that or, you know, we could have looked at what we're all thriving here. Let's totally do an about face with life and, you know, homeschool our kids for however long and whatnot. But that wasn't you know, we took the lessons and the learnings and I kept, you know, my, my husband and I kept having conversations all through the year about what was working, what doesn't, when we needed to pivot what that could look like. And, but I really had to stay in this space of surrender and trust and that we would know. And we came up the other side of it. Okay, like, actually better off them, you know, going into it, but so I look at it as such a gift.

Jen Lang: 00:21:49

Yeah, I think I'm we have no what happened. Awesome. Awesome. And it's so it's good and healthy to take that experience as a gift. Because even you know, the conversations, the previous two weeks, I had been thinking like, you know, some things need to drop away from my schedule and feeling like the push, especially after my lovely like, you know, a day camping trip and things like that, to jump right back into September was like, Whoa, you know, and the same time, I was like, Okay, what needs to shift what needs to change, and it's just been accelerated by a few other factors. And the emotions around it have been amplified by a few other factors. And it's, you know, I want that spaciousness. So now I'm recognizing that I want that spaciousness, and I'm consciously choosing not to refill it. Again. So is there is this is a point we sort of wrote in our notes, is there a way to recognize when you know, what you have wanted, arrives? And without sabotaging it,

Unknown: 00:22:59

I think?

Jane Stark: 00:23:02

Well, I think some of it is, it sounds so simple, or, but you know, is around this conscious piece, right? Like, you need to be conscious. That's the other thing, like, your thoughts are powerful, but we really do create our reality. And so that was a big piece of, again, of my journey, and my journey, even right now of like, being extremely conscious of what I'm asking for what I'm putting out there, into the world, like, the language I'm using, what I'm telling people I want to create, because, you know, it the same goes for, you know, we want to manifest or create, you know, more space in our lives, or these things. This flow works in reverse, too. Right? If we're really living in fear, and, you know, or, like constantly worrying about something, we can create that too. And so that's not totally answering the question. It was kind of an aside, but in terms of how to be aware, I think, like I say, it's being conscious of what you're putting out there where your thoughts are going. It's noticing probably when the discomfort

Jen Lang: 00:24:15

idea up, yeah, it's noticing when the discomfort comes up. And I would add this is from one of my mentors, Joe Bendel, celebrate, when you arrive, yeah, market and note it and celebrate that, you know, for me, I will celebrate that spaciousness in a way that I have not yet decided. But it's it's kind of one of those things I'll know when I have it when I'm like, Oh, wow. And you know, sometimes we don't take the time to see what we have wished to see what we have wished for and recognize it because we are on to the next thing and on to the next thing. Instead of enjoying that. A moment. And that's what that moment of celebration does. Back to the busy badge of honor. Yeah, exactly. So that moment of celebration, you know, maybe I'll go to my favorite gluten free bakery and grab a beautiful little cake or goodie or something, and really enjoy it. And be like, I mean, it taking the space to enjoy it and not eating in front of a screen. Yeah.

Jane Stark: 00:25:20

And also, though, how are you going to? So how do you catch yourself?

Unknown: 00:25:27

Because, yeah, you're

Jane Stark: 00:25:29

right, like catching yourself in the moment of Oh, this is me feeling. So in your example, this is me wanting to fill my schedule again.

Jen Lang: 00:25:36

Yes. So obviously, like Jana and I have a very awesome, trusted friendship, and business relationship, and co host relationships. So we can bounce these ideas off each other. Ideally, you would have a trusted friend, or a trusted someone in your life that you can bounce these ideas off of, or you can say, Hey, can you help me I'm aiming to it's like an accountability, buddy, but it's not. It's like I'm aiming to brings x, y and Zed into my life. Will you help me keep it clear, ask for the help that you need. And also sort of become aware of any patterns you might have around self sabotage. So if we're thinking allowing

Jane Stark: 00:26:22

the emotions to come through, so that was another piece, like, you know, again, if I reflect back on the last year, it was allowing myself to feel to also feel the emotions that were coming up to feel the frustration in some of the moments to feel that like, Oh, my gosh, what are we doing? And letting it move through not pushing it away and pushing it down? Had I done that? I wonder if I, you know, if it would have that manifests? Its into its own?

Jen Lang: 00:26:57

That's a whole other pathways. Yeah. So then, how can? How can people, our listeners become more aware of their own patterns? Yes, it's to stop and observe, I think so much of this is about pausing. And getting to know the self on an even deeper level. So definitely the pause piece. Having a someone you trust, who can help reflect patterns back to you. It's positive and negative. You know, do a Facebook poll, if your friends you'd like, Hey, friends, what are some of the things that I do really awesome in my life? or Why? You know, instead of asking, you know, where did we meet? It's like, what do you love about me? I want to hear it. We don't see those posts so much love, it

Jane Stark: 00:27:45

probably also is looking at some habit change. stuff, right? So it is being able to put in, like you said, the accountability, the committing to yourself, that you're you know, you're making a change, that's if it's something that's a little bit more tangible.

Unknown: 00:28:02

I mean,

Jane Stark: 00:28:05

in my example, we kind of got thrown into it. Yeah, the universe, the universe brought it front and center. And so it was just kind of dive in and navigate. In terms of when you can't, what about when you can't quite spot it? Did you want to meet like, because I think Yeah, another element here of like, you don't even recognize that this is what you've been? One. Yeah.

Jen Lang: 00:28:40

Well, yeah, like I honestly, I could look at my schedule in my life. As a perfect example, where I've wanted to, I keep saying, I want spaciousness, and I keep refilling that time. Now granted, it ebbs and flows. And I and I do account for that. This point, it got to like our critical point where it's like, Okay, this is not healthy any longer, in the sense that other parts of my life that needed attention, were suffering, right? So I think what if you're, as a list, if you as a listener are in a stage where an aspect of your life is really suffering or twinging or pokey? Then take a look at sort of either like, I want to use the wheel of life or that wheel of You know what? It's not about what can go it's more about what's really asking for your attention. seeing if you can figure that out for yourself. And if you can't then get stuff get support and hire someone.

Jane Stark: 00:29:43

Yeah, yeah, exactly right. Like it's mean so many times we come back to like, getting that support is so critical to making some of these changes. What you were just saying there makes me think of that Michael Bernard Beckwith quote I've shared before, but the pain will push you until the vision pulls You, yes sounds a little bit like where you were at, like, it got to a point where the pain was so much that and you had this vision that was like, Okay, if I want to see this vision come to life. Yeah, I need to shift this. Yeah, I mean, I think having somebody reflected back to you is so important, right? Like, that's, that's kind of where this has come from is your experience this week and us going back and forth? And then like I say, I was like, it's interesting. You're not alone in this. I'm hearing this from clients like, yeah, in the past two weeks, all the time. And so, and it's been for, like, some of my clients, it's been, again, having the benefit of having that client coach relationship where they, I've been able to reflect back to them and say, okay, is this possibly What's happening here? You know, interesting, let's think back to when we first started working together, and this is what you wanted, is this, that thing is showing up for you. And it's like, oh,

Jen Lang: 00:31:01

so to wind it back to our topic of what happens when what you wish for comes true, or when your wishes come true? This is a really, this was sort of probably not necessarily the content you were expecting from the title of this podcast, because so often we with these wishes come through, and then we sabotage again, the outcome, because we want we there's a part of us that wants to stay the way we were. Yes. And again, that's like a sort of a more meta picture is letting that stuff go. And stepping into that newer version of you and enjoying the reward. So what happens? What does happen? Enjoy it?

Jane Stark: 00:31:43

I wonder how many times that I'm wondering this out loud for myself, but how many times have I sabotaged and totally missed? The gift or the thing that I so badly wanted or wanted to create? And never actually, like, how many times does it come into my field? I wonder, and I've sabotaged it. You know, I mean, as we get better at this, yeah, I think it's a practice and we get better. And we stop, we start to, like, Miss fewer of those opportunities. But I just, yeah, I think as humans, we probably often are missing a lot of these opportunities. Because also because they come in different shapes, packages. Yes. So I think that's the other thing that I just really would love to leave people with is this idea that they don't always look the way you think they're supposed to. Yes. If you're not open to seeing them in other ways that sometimes aren't as pretty. You miss them. Yeah.

Jen Lang: 00:32:50

And so that gift or that wish you've been having, or the thing you want, is there for you. But are you too busy to see it?

Unknown: 00:33:00

Mm hmm.

Jane Stark: 00:33:01

Or you could too caught up in your own story, or Yeah, I mean, there's lots of different ways. But yeah, are we missing it?

Unknown: 00:33:10

Or are we bought in has via

Jen Lang: 00:33:12

what you wish for come true, and you just haven't seen it? Because you've been so busy to move. So excited to move on to the next thing? Yeah. Yeah. So that recognition piece? Definitely. Um, yeah, I think that's covers it for this have to run today. Yeah, we do other things. So I find this was helpful. Yeah, if you have any questions, definitely reach out to us. Find us on all the usual platforms, you know where to find us. Anything we mentioned will be in the show notes. And on that wonderful note, have an awesome week. Look out for what you wish for. And recognize it and celebrate it,

Jane Stark: 00:33:48

own it, own it, own it away. Own it, take

Unknown: 00:33:52

it claim it. Yeah. Claim mammals wishes, the gift

Jane Stark: 00:33:56

and the things that don't always look like.

Jen Lang: 00:34:00

Yeah, definitely. Amazing. Have an awesome day, everybody.

Unknown: 00:34:04

I