Fierce Serenity in your Mental Body

Jen Lang: 00:00:08

This is no halos here hosted by Jen Lang and Jane

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Stark, the place to inspire a change in your consciousness to

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elevate the world. We're to heart centered business owners

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nourishing our inner rebels while growing our respective

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businesses.

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No halos here is the result of bringing together an

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opera singer turned spiritual mentor and a marketing

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professional turned while being coached to meditate daily.

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Together, we unite physical, mental, emotional and spiritual

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energies into a powerful presence to lead, heal and

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inspire. We love exploring the shadowed edges of life, the

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universe and beyond through honest and thought provoking

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conversations. Let's dive in.

Jen Lang: 00:00:45

Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of no

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halos here with Jen Lang, and Jane Stark. Hello, hello, hello.

Jen Lang: 00:00:55

We're here. We have had like, a wonderful conversation already

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today. And IRD also shared a presentation this morning on

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advanced voice techniques for decision makers, very technical,

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and sort of Brainiac sounding title for this presentation,

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which actually went great. But in the sport that

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was more in the government, corporate space,

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which is, right, so you're taking this content that we talk

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about all the time, in a more spiritual way, I guess.

Jen Lang: 00:01:28

Yeah, we usually talk about this content in a more

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spiritual, and I suppose solopreneur type context. And

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what I did was I took a lot of my experience and some of the

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stuff that Jane and I have talked about, and I reframed it

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into the language and framework for government and large

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organizational structures. And it went great. So I'm going to

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actually take some of the material from today and readapt

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it for today's conversation, which is about fear serenity, in

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our mental world, and meaning like the world in our heads, and

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the multiple voices that we have going on in our heads. So Jane

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was like, Jen, I think you should take the lead on this

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conversation, I will ask a few questions. That might be some of

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this today. However, I don't know, I think it's still going

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to be free flow, there's going to be some conversation here.

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And yeah, it's when it gets so fresh in your mind. So it is

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super fresh in my mind. And in the context of the fierce

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serenity peace, we still talk about this inner mentor and

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inner critic element. So when we offered your serenity, the first

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time around, and we talked about the inner mentor and inner

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critic, there was I took people through a meditation, and that's

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a lot of what we do in the program is we have a topic and a

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piece of material. And then we take it into the meditation

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space to explore it a bit more fully. Then we kind of

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visualization visualization. Yeah, we sort of guided

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immersive experience, definitely. And then we look at

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some specific questions around that area of our lives. What

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else? Yeah, so mindset is one of those things that can work for

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us and it can keep us stuck keep us in a stumbling block position

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can be impede our progress. And even in the word mind set,

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you've set your mind to something. And it doesn't really

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allow any flexibility or expansion or growth. It is

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directional in the sense that when you set your mind to a

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goal, that is a very sort of masculine oriented language

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around setting your mind to something or setting your mind

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to a specific achievement. However, if you have a specific

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mind set about a topic or about something, then it doesn't leave

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space to breathe or space for that other elements of that

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topic to expand on. So this is a little bit of what we wanted to

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bring to the table today with sort of the mental state and

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fierce serenity. The other thing we wanted to talk about was the

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inner critic and the inner mentor. And again, this is the

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meditation piece, but it's also so often I talked about, you

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know, driving the bus of our lives. And so often the inner

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critic is right there in the front seat beside us. And often

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the inner critic is driving the bus. You don't even realize the

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inner critic is driving the bus until you look around and go

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where the hell am I? I didn't

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sign up to seen it. That's often our default. Like,

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why is that? Why is it by default?

Jen Lang: 00:04:44

I'm curious about that, too. Yeah,

Jane Stark: 00:04:46

I think offering that it's a bit of a rhetorical

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question but

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yeah, I'm sure there's research on it I think yeah, I

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think part of it personally without obviously having done

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any any research into the into any of this I answered brain

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science behind it, I bet you a part of it is evolutionary,

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survival based survival based, you have to be

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on the lookout for threats. From a evolutionary perspective, we

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would have been trained, or our brains would have been, quote

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unquote, trained to be to do that threats. And, and we've

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evolved to a place where, you know, you've heard before that

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it's interesting how we live in probably the safest version of

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the world that we've ever lived in, which is relatively speaking

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of weird to say, right now. Yeah, relatively speaking. We're

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not out, you know, hiding from a saber toothed Tiger. Anymore

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type thing, but our brains have not caught up. Yes to that. So

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anyways, this episode was not going to be about us trying to

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neuroscientists.

Jen Lang: 00:05:54

So I can put some more of those resources in the show

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notes back out of that path

Jane Stark: 00:05:57

I just took my brain goes big existential questions

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like, yeah, it does leave room.

Jane Stark: 00:06:05

So but I think you're right. It also, it also

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makes me think of something we've talked to think a bit

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about here on before but that you and I have talked a lot

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about, and I've studied is these ideas of resonance fields. And

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when we get really stuck, you know, kind of what you're saying

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about mindset, if we're so locked into something, believing

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that something is one way and black or white, yep, we're then

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kind of stuck in this on this resonance, and there's no room

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to move, and, and even create open up possibility for

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ourselves. And that sort of, I think ties into Yeah, this inner

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critic and inner mentor. And, you know, driving, who's driving

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the bus, yeah.

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And encouraging your inner mentor to be is beside you

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in the front seat. So it's not that the inner mentor needs to

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drive the bus, you need to drive the bus of your life and your

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existence and your reality. And your inner mentor needs to be

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beside you being that navigator and let the inner mentor be the

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navigator, not the inner critic. Because if the inner critic is

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the navigator, you're going to end up driving in circles. So

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the inner critic still needs to be with you because they still

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serve a purpose to bring your attention to risks and to bring

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your attention to possible roadblocks, and workarounds that

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you need to come up with. But the inner critic can be in the

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back of the bus.

Jane Stark: 00:07:28

Yeah, so it's not about never having that inner

Jane Stark: 00:07:30

critic or that negative net. Well, I mean, there's negative

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self talk, but that, yeah, that, that critic, that little kind of

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voice. It's there for and serving a purpose. But it sounds

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to me like having awareness. It's that bringing it to

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consciousness and awareness more and more and more so that we

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actually can catch it and be like, Oh, right. That's what

Jane Stark: 00:07:51

that is. I don't need that right now.

Jen Lang: 00:07:54

Yeah, recognizing, I think that single exercise in

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observing when your inner critic is driving the bus is really

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powerful, because it can show up anywhere, it can show up in your

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morning routine as you make your cup of tea or your cup of

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coffee. And you might have this thought pattern going of, oh,

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you know, I really sucked at this thing yesterday, and why

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didn't I do better? And you beat yourself up? And all of a

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sudden, you're like, Wait, how did I get here? Oh, oh, I was on

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autopilot and the inner critic took over. And then you can back

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that up and you can observe and go, Oh, no, you don't get to

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drive anymore, back back to the back of the bus. Then you can

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once you observe, then you can notice it and do something about

Jen Lang: 00:08:40

it. Right? But if you can't see it, then how do you ever know?

Jane Stark: 00:08:43

Okay, so if we back that up to another step, how,

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what are some ways to start to even see that because I think

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sometimes we become so tone deaf to it, as well, right? That we

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don't even realize that we're the language we're speaking or

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how we're, how we're

Jen Lang: 00:09:03

I feel like a lot of it is tied to our emotional

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state. So our mental state is closely tied to our emotional

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state and what's happening around us emotionally, and our

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physical state. So like, the first question I would ask of

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myself, would be a did you have enough sleep? Be have what have

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you been eating? And see? Was it food, sleep? social life? Have

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you had a social life? Or have you been head down connection?

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Yep. Have you had that connection point? That would be

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like the physical thing I would be looking at. If those if any

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of those three things are, you know, whatever's going on in

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your physical life. Are you sick? You know, are you not

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feeling well, for women, especially where are you in your

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hormonal cycle? Because the hormones will also affect your

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ability to manage that voice effectively.

Jane Stark: 00:09:53

Yeah, that's been a game changer for me. Actually.

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I've noticed that definitely where I can now pinpoint

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oftentimes I'm in a certain point of my cycle. And I just

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feel like I just noticed the mental chatter, the like,

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overall, like, sometimes it's like dramatizing things and

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becoming bigger. And then you know, I'll move through that

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stage. And a couple days later, I'm like, oh, okay, I actually

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don't feel nearly as charged about that, or the world's not

Jane Stark: 00:10:20

ending or, you know, whatever. The thing is, that so

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much of that is awareness of your physical body

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and your surroundings.

Jane Stark: 00:10:29

I think it's also important to I think a lot of

Jane Stark: 00:10:32

the times though, sometimes, again, because we can't, it's

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really hard for us to sometimes see these patterns or the

Jane Stark: 00:10:38

language, it's, it's really helpful to have somebody outside

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of you, whether that be a therapist, a coach, a friend

Jane Stark: 00:10:45

who's really good at this, but it has to be somebody who's

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going to kind of call you or point these things out to you

Jane Stark: 00:10:51

not just support us in Yeah, like, let's, you know, let's go

Jane Stark: 00:10:55

down that path. And oh, I feel the same way too. Like, they

Jane Stark: 00:10:57

can't kind of corroborate with you. But I've really found that

Jane Stark: 00:11:02

really helpful, where it's like, okay, I'm hearing like, in, you

Jane Stark: 00:11:06

know, even just in your language, that you're being

Jane Stark: 00:11:08

really hard on yourself, or, you know, you're being really

Jane Stark: 00:11:11

critical. You know, things like that have been really helpful

Jane Stark: 00:11:15

for me to have it pointed out, and then I can be like, Oh,

Jane Stark: 00:11:18

okay, yeah, I see that, and then I can start to catch it myself.

Jane Stark: 00:11:22

So that

Jen Lang: 00:11:23

would be that's awesome. I've, I totally agree.

Jen Lang: 00:11:26

And having that trusted person in your life, whether they are

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professional, or a trusted friend or family member who can

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lovingly and with compassion, point out a thought pattern or

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behavior pattern that is keeping you small or keeping you stuck.

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That that is a really great step towards recognizing whether your

Jen Lang: 00:11:49

inner critic is of driving the bus or not. The inner mentor

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piece that you can sort of cultivate your inner mentor

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needs you as much as you need them. So I think one of the

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helpful exercises I've ever done, including, obviously a

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meditation or visualization to meet my inner mentor, is to have

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sort of journaled conversations with them have a very simple

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question like, Hey, how's your day going? Oh, it's going good.

Jen Lang: 00:12:18

You know, Oh, buddy, what do you need today? Oh, you know, and

Jen Lang: 00:12:20

just writing out very simple. Five minutes of journaling?

Jen Lang: 00:12:25

Well, what do you have to share with me today in our mentor?

Jen Lang: 00:12:27

Well, I really like the way it's a practice, it's going to feel

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awkward and clunky at first, because we're not used to having

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a conversation with in our head in our heads with with ourselves

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with us, you never know. And so, it might be that you have a

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daily check in with both the critic and the mentor, and say,

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Hey, critic, how's it going, I see that you're here,

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acknowledge them, because they still want to be seen and

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recognized. And say, you know, I'm not feeling like, I'd like

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to hear from you today. So I'm going to ask you to be like,

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right on the roof of the bus today. I don't even want to see

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you. And then maybe you talk to the inner mentor and say, Hey,

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mentor, I would love to have you right beside me. And I really

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need some words of reassurance today. What have you got for me?

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Or I just need you beside me that that really, I don't know,

Jen Lang: 00:13:23

that's just a way to use those inside voice inner mentor,

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outer, sort of inner, your inner critic pieces to your benefit

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that can help ground in that fierce serenity that you're

Jen Lang: 00:13:35

looking for? Because we don't have serenity, if our critic is

Jen Lang: 00:13:38

driving the bus?

Jane Stark: 00:13:40

Yeah, I think another exercise sometimes that

Jane Stark: 00:13:43

I've done is just sort of that brain dump. So if there's

Jane Stark: 00:13:45

something on my mind, just starting to brain dump

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everything that's going on and my feelings about it, like it's

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making me feel this way, right, like, and just getting it all

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out and then going back and reading it. And it's you can

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start to sort of see like, oh, wow, okay, yeah, this is my

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inner critic talking. Or Yep. You know, and starting to see

Jane Stark: 00:14:04

like, the language or maybe your inner mentors talking to, you

Jane Stark: 00:14:09

know, and starting to see the different the different voices

Jane Stark: 00:14:12

in our head. But yeah, when we're totally unconscious to it,

Jane Stark: 00:14:19

then it's, it's totally controlling, and we don't even

Jane Stark: 00:14:21

realize it.

Jen Lang: 00:14:23

Yep. So if you're listening to this, I'm having

Jen Lang: 00:14:28

this aha, sudden realization that your inner critic has been

Jen Lang: 00:14:32

driving the bus a little too frequently. This is your

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invitation to have a quick word with them and say, I'd like to

Jen Lang: 00:14:39

drive for a while. I do not need your input or your I need you to

Jen Lang: 00:14:44

shut up. You can always ask them to shut up. And it's just I

Jen Lang: 00:14:51

don't need you in my life as frequently as you have been.

Jen Lang: 00:14:55

That's probably a good way of looking at it. Then Jim Have

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your mental world and this fierce serenity space that Jane

Jen Lang: 00:15:04

and I talk about. You know, sometimes our day to day

Jen Lang: 00:15:08

activities can be so overwhelming for a variety of

Jen Lang: 00:15:12

reasons, physical, emotional life, news, kids, you know, all

Jen Lang: 00:15:18

the all the all the stuff that goes on in our day to day lives

Jen Lang: 00:15:23

that that check in might not even be feel accessible right

Jen Lang: 00:15:27

now. So I think that the easiest thing to do in that space is to

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go is actually the acronym halt H A Lt. Am I hungry, angry,

Jen Lang: 00:15:38

lonely, or tired, or all of the above or some of the above. And

Jen Lang: 00:15:44

breathe. Just take a breath.

Jane Stark: 00:15:49

Yeah, tending to those basic needs is one of the

Jane Stark: 00:15:52

like the core foundations. Any kind of work that we do in this

Jane Stark: 00:15:58

space, right?

Jen Lang: 00:15:59

Breathing and coming back to your physical body, like

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having a place on your body that you can touch that is

Jen Lang: 00:16:06

reassuring, and grounding for you, I think is one of the best

Jen Lang: 00:16:10

ways to come back to home in yourself. If things get feel

Jen Lang: 00:16:15

overwhelming, or if your inner critic is overactive, and really

Jen Lang: 00:16:21

excited to share lots of non unhelpful things with you today.

Jen Lang: 00:16:25

Then come back to your body first and maybe like touch your

Jen Lang: 00:16:28

leg or have your hand on your heart or have your hand on your

Jen Lang: 00:16:32

belly. So that you can just come back to you here now being

Jen Lang: 00:16:39

present. I think that's a bit of a mindfulness piece as well. And

Jen Lang: 00:16:43

then you can ask the question, Am I hungry? Check in Hey, body,

Jen Lang: 00:16:46

are you hungry? Nope. Okay. Hey, everybody. Do I? Am I holding on

Jen Lang: 00:16:52

to any anger? Or any other emotion that's keeping me tight

Jen Lang: 00:16:56

or stuck? Yes, maybe? All? First of all, is that anger yours? Or

Jen Lang: 00:17:02

is it someone else's? Check in with that. Are you feeling

Jen Lang: 00:17:06

lonely? And in other words, have you had supportive social

Jen Lang: 00:17:10

interactions recently? either in person or online? Have you

Jen Lang: 00:17:15

picked up the phone and called a friend or has a friend called

Jen Lang: 00:17:17

you? Or maybe that feels too difficult? And you actually need

Jen Lang: 00:17:21

some alone time with yourself? And then are you tired? Like we

Jen Lang: 00:17:25

talked about with the physicality space? Are you

Jen Lang: 00:17:28

getting enough sleep? Are you getting enough water? That kind

Jen Lang: 00:17:32

of thing? Um, yeah, finding that fierceness. Sometimes we just

Jen Lang: 00:17:38

need to dig deep to move through our day. And it's okay to have

Jen Lang: 00:17:43

those moments.

Jane Stark: 00:17:45

And that is part of the fierceness. Right.

Jane Stark: 00:17:48

Absolutely. I think when we talk about fierce serenity, the fear

Jane Stark: 00:17:53

sometimes fierce is doing the hard thing that we know we just

Jane Stark: 00:17:58

have to do and, and getting getting to the other side of it.

Jane Stark: 00:18:02

Yep. And that's takes mental grit.

Jen Lang: 00:18:07

Yeah, I like that description, mental grit. And

Jen Lang: 00:18:10

it's, it's also obviously, we've seen this so much over the past

Jen Lang: 00:18:15

couple of years with the pandemic and with, you know,

Jen Lang: 00:18:18

world events unfolding as they are, that mental grit is needed.

Jen Lang: 00:18:25

But it doesn't have to be your every day.

Jane Stark: 00:18:28

Well, and I think, yes, and it should be your

Jane Stark: 00:18:31

everyday, right, because I think that's where we excuse me, yeah,

Jane Stark: 00:18:35

that's where we need that ebb and flow. And that's where it

Jane Stark: 00:18:37

even feels like fear serenity, I think that's a big part of what

Jane Stark: 00:18:40

fear serenity feels like to us is that ebb and that flow

Jane Stark: 00:18:45

because if we get stuck in, I think a lot of us have

Jane Stark: 00:18:48

experienced this right? With everything that's being fired at

Jane Stark: 00:18:52

us, especially for the last two years, it has taken a lot of

Jane Stark: 00:18:57

mental grit for us to stay above water. And, and everyone has

Jane Stark: 00:19:01

their own individual experiences of that. And, you know, one of

Jane Stark: 00:19:06

the things that obviously, you and I talk a lot about and know

Jane Stark: 00:19:09

is it is finding those moments of serenity within that it is

Jane Stark: 00:19:13

figuring out how do we intend to and take care of our mental

Jane Stark: 00:19:17

world and our mental body when we are being rapidly fired out

Jane Stark: 00:19:24

with all artists? Yeah, and with a ton of fear.

Jen Lang: 00:19:29

And it's also that's like, it's so true. And it the

Jen Lang: 00:19:33

other piece of it is that you also have to create that space.

Jen Lang: 00:19:35

Yes. It's like no one's going to give you that time except you.

Jen Lang: 00:19:40

No one's going to give you that space, which

Jane Stark: 00:19:43

is why we keep hearing turn off the news or do

Jane Stark: 00:19:46

a social media detox or other things. It's because that is a

Jane Stark: 00:19:49

way of you putting up a boundary to protect your mental. Your

Jane Stark: 00:19:55

mental world. Yeah. So you So this is another, this is one,

Jane Stark: 00:20:01

this is the second of the four pillars that within this within

Jane Stark: 00:20:08

our program. So the next couple of weeks are going to be going

Jane Stark: 00:20:12

just giving you a little bit of insight into the other two

Jane Stark: 00:20:15

pillars that we touched on and kind of talking about them. In

Jane Stark: 00:20:18

our, in our course, we go a little bit further into what

Jane Stark: 00:20:23

they mean some tools and tactics. But I think again, one

Jane Stark: 00:20:27

of the biggest areas is we actually we take participants in

Jane Stark: 00:20:31

to an immersive experience around each of these different

Jane Stark: 00:20:34

topics.

Jen Lang: 00:20:37

Yeah, if you want to know more first serenity begins

Jen Lang: 00:20:39

the week of May 15, we would love to have you into this

Jen Lang: 00:20:43

beautiful space, this container to explore this more fully and

Jen Lang: 00:20:46

more deeply for yourself. It is a program that is designed to be

Jen Lang: 00:20:50

a part of more than once. So if you would like to be a part of

Jen Lang: 00:20:54

this fierce serenity round, we would love to have you. It is

Jen Lang: 00:20:58

$900 for this six week experience. And we we have

Jen Lang: 00:21:05

designed it so that you come out the other side with a

Jen Lang: 00:21:08

definition, a clearer definition of what fear serenity means for

Jen Lang: 00:21:12

you. And we do that through exploring each of these energy

Jen Lang: 00:21:15

bodies in your life. And taking you down a path where you can

Jen Lang: 00:21:19

look at them with more clarity and the real the real gold is in

Jen Lang: 00:21:23

that discussion in that magic. And in that immersive experience

Jen Lang: 00:21:26

on those calls. We will put a link to the program into our

Jen Lang: 00:21:31

show notes otherwise you can find out more at we are Jen and

Jen Lang: 00:21:34

jane.com/fierce-serenity ad. We got it fierce dash serenity. So

Jen Lang: 00:21:44

yeah, and obviously reach out to us. If you have any questions.

Jen Lang: 00:21:46

We are on the socials send us a DM on Instagram. And I think

Jen Lang: 00:21:52

that calls it for the day that you know, take care of your

Jen Lang: 00:21:54

mental health people say so easily take care of your mental

Jen Lang: 00:21:57

health. Well, what does that mean? What does that mean? Means

Jen Lang: 00:22:01

you recognizing that you need the space to do that creating

Jen Lang: 00:22:05

the space to do that. And

Jane Stark: 00:22:08

check what it is you actually need.

Jen Lang: 00:22:10

Yeah. Do you need more socializing? Or do you need more

Jen Lang: 00:22:14

alone time? And then give that to yourself and give that to

Jen Lang: 00:22:16

yourself? Yep. Because you deserve it. And you are totally

Jen Lang: 00:22:21

worth having a mental state that is clear and works for you in

Jen Lang: 00:22:28

every aspect of your life.

Jane Stark: 00:22:32

Beautiful. All right,

Jen Lang: 00:22:33

wrapping it up there. Have an awesome week. We'll talk

Jen Lang: 00:22:36

to you next week when we cover Wait, we're going to cover the

Jen Lang: 00:22:38

emotional body. But wait, wait, there's more. We're gonna talk

Jen Lang: 00:22:44

about the emotional body. There's lots more correlation

Jen Lang: 00:22:46

between the emotional and the mental body in terms of fear

Jen Lang: 00:22:48

serenity, so we'll catch you next week. Bye for now. Thanks

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for joining us for these conscious combos. If you're

Jen Lang: 00:22:57

ready to dive deeper, head on over to Dr Jenn and jane.com to

Jen Lang: 00:23:00

continue the conversation.

Jane Stark: 00:23:02

If you love this episode, please take a moment to

Jane Stark: 00:23:04

share it with your friends or your network and leave us a

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review by going to Apple podcasts. Find us on Instagram

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at we are Jen and Jane and let us know what you enjoy and what

Jane Stark: 00:23:12

you would like to see more of. We'd love to hear from you.