The Lost Art of Play

Jen Lang: 00:00:08

This is no halos here hosted by Jen Lang and Jane Stark, the place to inspire a change in your consciousness to elevate the world. We're to heart centered business owners nourishing our inner rebels while growing our respective businesses.

Jane Stark: 00:00:21

No halos here is the result of bringing together an opera singer turned spiritual mentor and a marketing professional turned well being coached to meditate daily. Together, we unite physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energies into a powerful presence to lead, heal and inspire. We love exploring the shadowed edges of life, the universe and beyond through honest and thought provoking conversations. Let's dive in.

Jen Lang: 00:00:48

Hi, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of no halos here with Jen Lang and Jane Stark. And today, we're talking about the value of play. Now, it's not necessarily even the value, I think it's like exploring play and the word play and work and how they go hand in hand. And why we chose to call our latest offering the empowerment playbook rather than a work

Jane Stark: 00:01:15

book. Yeah. And interestingly, we kind of just came up with that name, we both liked it. But in discussions, Jen and I have discovered that it has slightly different meaning for each of us. And that's sort of another piece of I think, what inspired today's discussion around this concept of play, because I look at so when I was thinking, like, Oh, it's like a playbook workbook felt to I don't know, workbook, like too heavy to, hey, we're going to give you a book to work through. And this is, you know, I don't know, hard or whatever, whatever associations we have with the word work and whatnot. And so I was like, What if it's a playbook, but to me, I saw a playbook as I don't, I haven't come up with a better word yet. But like a manual, but it's not, again, a manual as follow this step. And this step in this step, and you have to do everything in the right way. Or this way, the way we say in order to get to the end. It's kind of it's more of a loose framework. It's the it's the playbook of, I think, for Gemini, the combination of our life experience, our knowledge, our skills, and bringing that all together, and sort of creating this, this piece that gives people an introduction into what we do and how we work, and how we got to where we're at in our lives today. Definitely. I think it's also the play piece comes in for me, sorry, no, no, that's great.

Jen Lang: 00:02:49

Um, the play, I think, to reference back to your earlier remark about how we look at play, from obviously, from our own perspectives, and our own backgrounds. So a lot of my background is in music. And we play music, we play an instrument, I don't work an instrument. I mean, yeah, I can operate it. But it's not. It's not it's less masculine and mechanical. And, you know, I play an instrument, and it's fun to noodle around and play and play with my voice. And a lot of the aspects of the way I work with people and voices and voice development and even spiritual mentorship, we've talked about intuition and play. But the music part is all it's played based. Yes, there is structure and central technical pieces. And there's aspects of planning to make it more freeing, because we don't we don't move past our limitations. I don't think we move past our limitations just by following an instruction manual.

Jane Stark: 00:03:49

totally right. That's how we, we don't figure it we don't the self discovery is lost. Yeah, if we're following a manual, so that's why I was like the term manual doesn't work. Exactly. But I don't know what the term is specifically. But it's the playbook. It's the it's all the different things, the trials and the tribulations and the learnings and the things that we've learned. But it's provided as a framework for people to start that journey, or to try on a little bit of what worked for us, but it's not prescriptive.

Jen Lang: 00:04:20

Yes. Even though it was interesting. We sort of were jumping in talking about the empowerment playbook, which is we'll link to in the show notes. And that's it is our latest free offering. But the there is some structure in it because we also recognize that if you're listening or if you're starting out with this manual, you want some a little bit of direction. So yes, we've provided that direction. I did. I did like old habits die hard. So the playbook part is this aspect of us. We've provided you some direction. But we also want to encourage you to play and we've giving you some ways to play with where it takes you. With Yeah, and

Jane Stark: 00:05:05

I think and that's sort of also where we created the framework. And then when Jen started to share her interpretation of like a play book, and let's literally bring play in. That was what brought in this idea of, yeah, why don't we give some people some tools to play with? And that's exactly what it is. It's about there's no right. I think this is the other thing in play, there's no right or wrong. Yeah. And that's a part of this work, too. There's no right or wrong, there's no formula to say, you have to do it this way to get this outcome. And I don't believe because I believe we're all we're all individually unique. And so and this is the bit of, I think, a bit of a beef I have in this. As we're talking, I'm like, this is something I don't love about a lot of the coaching world and the self help world and all these things. It's so you know, everybody tries to go, Well, here's my formula, it's the best formula, you got to do this, and you'll get this, huh, my experience? No. But what has worked for me is that I can try these different things on I try people's different formulas in certain ways and take what works for me and leave what doesn't. And that is really, really powerful when we can do that. And so allowing and bringing in more of that play aspect that you talk about, Jen and bringing that from, like you say your your experience of playing music and creativity and how that looks for you, is what was really kind of like, solidified the playbook. I think, for you. For me, it was like, what are all the pieces like what's the playbook of our life, the story, story. Oh, and if that we can bring.

Jen Lang: 00:06:54

So you've looked at it, I've, if I'm hearing you right, in the view, like you have looked at it from the context of the story and the larger masses of what brought you to this point. That in terms of, you know, maybe you weren't consciously playing through all these aspects of your life, it's kind of it actually reminds me of how what Shakespeare always did when he when he put a play within a play when he wrote his plays. And at some point, in some of the stories, there is a play within the play with an illustrated lesson for the characters in the play. Right? So this playbook has those illustrative lessons for yourself. However, we've also provided you some ways to play with what you discover in a multitude of ways. So there's no one way to do the playbook. You can do it again, it's not just a one time. Okay, I've done now I've got the insight, you can go back. In fact, we encourage you to back away every month, if you want,

Jane Stark: 00:07:56

or looking at different reflecting on different areas of our lives, right? Yeah, I think that's a really good point it is. That's where you have for me, I guess that's the piece of the story. It's the story of my life, your life, our life, our lived experiences, and bringing that into a place to start. And again, you can follow through and answer the questions there, there is guidance there. But the answers will be different for everybody. And the direction that it takes you will be different for everybody. And it is it isn't really a one and done, do this playbook. And you've got your answer to, you know, the BLM handle and it you don't need to do it again. And it's like you say, like, we did this process together, you know, when we came up with it, and then we actually just were like, Oh, we should go through and do this, again, around this. So it's just a formula or a guidance that we can apply to so many different areas in our lives that help us excavate and uncover a little bit more about us. It's all in the name of self discovery really.

Jen Lang: 00:09:02

So then that's, that's kind of like a good time to bring in that we are going to talk about the empowerment playbook a little bit more, I think on future episodes, we might actually walk you through as a listener through some aspects of it. But I actually want to go back to this, you know, this concept of play and how we talk about play, and how we integrate play as an adult because it's encouraged as children. And this concept of play is usually usually but not always our reward for having done something not playful. Yeah, in advance. Like

Jane Stark: 00:09:38

I was saying the whole the whole slogan, work hard play hard, right? Yes. unpack that a little bit. And

Jen Lang: 00:09:44

well, and we kind of got to that discussion. But before we hit record, Jay and I were talking about this past weekend, a week less than a week ago, we took a trip to one of the smaller islands between Vancouver Victoria, to do sort of a masterminding retreat type of environment. And I said to her, oh, yeah, I have to remind myself that I worked all weekend and we did work all weekend. But then we got to talk about like, James like, I felt like I played like, Oh, interesting concept. So then what do we define as work or play or flow? or however you want to do it? And there was yes, there were aspects of creativity. And yes, there were beautiful nature walks outdoors that were inspiring and reflective. And there was times when we sat down and took a focused and intensive look at aspects of our business and our resources very intentionally, that I wouldn't necessarily consider play, but we're still flow and a part of a business building exercise.

Jane Stark: 00:10:44

Mm hmm. Yeah. And I mean, I think some of that is also unpacking conditioning. Right? Yeah. And that I know, though, for me, that's where, excuse me, the whole idea that I worked with, like, I didn't feel like I worked because I've, but I've worked so much to decondition. That, and you mentioned and I think part of the reason you felt that way a little bit more than me was because you stayed on another night and did go and do probably what we would classify more as work right, you went and did about four hours of computer work, getting some stuff from the weekend, down on paper and in documents and whatnot. So also slightly different experiences. But yeah, this idea that like, what does it even opens up? How can our work start to feel more playful? How can you bring play into our work and into our lives and that flow piece, you know, that was the the intention of our days, and that's what I mean, for me personally, the way we operated on the weekend is how I have started to operate every day of my life, in that flowing from one thing to another, allowing more spaciousness, allowing more of my own intuition of like, what do I feel like doing right now. And I don't mean that from, oh, I don't feel like doing this thing that I have a deadline for like there is there is that pieces that come in, but one of my big, I don't know, missions in life or goals is to really keep myself and be in that more flow state. For me, it feels like a little bit of like the leading from the feminine. And, yeah, you got some,

Jen Lang: 00:12:30

I've got something to say around that abroad, not necessarily about the feminine aspect. But I was thought of while you were talking, I was also reflecting on how I play with music. And I have to practice music, to be able to perform it in a way that is satisfying for both myself and for the audience. So then, practice is still playing an instrument. However, I come from a background where my practice has been very structured. So it's like I was very self discipline to our practice to piatto. You know, you know, my first keyboard is trim was the organ, I used to get up and practice flute in the mornings. So I approached it from that very structured place. And at the end of the day, I also one of my more satisfying performance experiences as a teen was this flute recital. And I really, I knew my pieces so well that I got into the flow of being with the music and playing with allowing the music to play with me. And so this is where I think the structure and play piece work together beautifully. In that that familiarity. True freedom comes from the mastery of that element that you want the flow with. Now, sometimes the flow is the surrender piece. And sometimes the flow is out of that preparation and mastery aspect.

Jane Stark: 00:13:54

Yeah. Yeah. Good point. I think it is very newest. And it also again depends on again, everybody's unique, we know that you function a little bit better than I do with more structure, I'm the flow I am and that's you know what works for me and that's been a part of my journey to undo the conditioning that I have to operate in this Uber structured world and for me, as I've been able to step out of that the abundance has come in so I've really realized and learned that for me that's where the true abundance and fulfillment comes from. is in that and it's interesting when I fall back into old patterns and old habits and I and I get more into gotta do this got to do that structure, structure, work, you know, at the computer, eight hours a day or whatever the thing is, my things close up. Yeah, I find that everything starts to constrict and I have to catch Myself,

Jen Lang: 00:15:01

this is what I'm learning, I think we both learn really well from each other and play off each other and remind each other, there is a time for structure and for sort of less like I'm not to say less playful, because we still have fun in our more structured conversations. But it's also been a beautiful experience for me over the past couple of weeks, I've been letting go of some very structured activities. And I'm sitting for me in that discomfort of this open space in my schedule and my time. And at the same, at the same in the same token, or the same space, I'm going, Oh, might be kind of fun to just one if I were to just sit down at the piano and play some songs for the fun of it.

Jane Stark: 00:15:43

And so it's interesting, because you wanted to go back to something you said about and we won't go too far down this path. But you said about kids and kids are told to play and taught to play. But I would also argue that kids are told how to play. They're told when to play. They're told they learn. I mean, I remember my daughter going into grade one, it seemed here, it seemed to be around grade one. But kindergarten, yeah, there's still a bit of play, but they start to take it out. And by grade one, it's like you're sitting at a desk, and you are, you know, like, you're now structured, and playtime is even more structured. And I remember her coming home one day and being like, Mom, like, we don't get to play anymore. And it broke my heart. It's like you're six, five, even I think when she went into kindergarten, and so it, it's programmed into our society very early on. Yeah, that, you know, play has to look a certain way. And that flow space kind of gets removed, because how do you find that flow when you are, you know, told exactly how to,

Jen Lang: 00:16:54

or how, or when to play or play as a reward for doing the structured work in the first place, which is really interesting, because I've, Jan and I are both working with some money. Like, I'm just felt stuck, because it's just Well, you can play with money, money, energy, money is energy. And you can play with that, too. And it's when we take away the actually for me, I found when I took away the pressure of having like having the pressure of having to I was like I have to make this much every month that I have to take these actions towards this amount every month, it was such a heavy, forceful way. And it never really, it never really flowed. And yes, it hasn't been perfect since. And there's always more stuff to explore and to experiment with. But the play as a reward for doing another structure, or doing another activity. Like if I'm, I'm only allowed to eat this pattern shows up and throughout our lives, like having dessert at the end of the meal. Wouldn't it be fun to just start your meal with dessert one day and just see, or why does desert always have to happen at the end of the meal, it doesn't always have to happen one of your meal is so satisfying that you don't need the quote unquote reward of dessert. And in the same way, we look at play as a reward for having gone through a less pleasant experience. But if we refer it back to the weekend that Jean and I just had that a lot of what we did, some people might consider work. And at the same time it flowed for us. So it didn't feel as heavy as so

Jane Stark: 00:18:29

good and felt fun. Like I came home and felt like I had, like I was full. Yeah, I was my cup was full, I did not come home and feel like oh my god, I worked all weekend. And that's the difference too, right? I mean, that again, gets into a bit of a different whole conversation there. But this idea that work in play can be one in the same and they can feel good. And you know, even if you are in a career that maybe feels a little bit more like work, then I think it's even more important to try and find those spaces for play and really connect back to what does play feel like for you. And how do you play? This was a hard one for me because this is one again, as I started to hire coaches and even therapists actually to I remember, it's a question that gets asked a lot like, well, what did you love to do as a child? And I couldn't tell you, I couldn't really connect into what I truly like what my play piece was as a child. And so I share that only because it really frustrated me and I ended up but what I've found now is it's been through those layers of self discovery that I have been able to connect with what play is for me, and I don't actually know that it's what I love to do as a child. There's certain Crimson threads I can see and things like that, but it's not. It's not necessarily totally aligned. I'm not I think as a child, somewhere along the lines. I learned very quickly to shut the play piece down and structure it. Yeah.

Jen Lang: 00:20:07

And go play outside versus go playing on a screen.

Jane Stark: 00:20:12

Right? Well, and like, you know, what's the difference? And how does Yeah, exactly. And how does it look now, I mean, so I look at my day today, I got up, you know, there was some some responsibilities, I had to get my, my kids ready and out the door to school, and things like that. And then I had a few minutes before our meeting, and I was like, not even a few minutes ahead, but 45 minutes, and I was like, Okay, what do I feel like doing? And I'm like, I'm gonna read my book. And I feel like I had my coffee. And I was like, I could go and, you know, get in the shower, and get on the computer and do other things. I'm like, kind of just want to enjoy my coffee. And I don't want to sit and scroll. Social media. That's not feeling good today. So yeah, so I got my book out. And I sat and read, and the book that I was reading was a little bit more work based stuff. It's not a book that I would read before bed, because it's more scientific and, and whatnot. And so but it felt so good, then, you know, then I step into you and I having our meeting and recording this podcast. And then this afternoon, my girlfriend was like, let's go for a walk, that feels fulfilling and playful. And I know that, while that's happening, I am still in that abundant space, I am still, it's not that, Oh, well, I'm not on the computer, doing whatever task I need to do to make money. And so it's finding that flow, right? Like there's work in there, this is work, this is work for us. And we've created this. So you know, just sort of not for me is that flow and that through that day, and that feels playful. Lovely, but I'm still working in there, I will respond to some emails. And I will do some of the other more administrative tasks that I need to do to keep things moving forward, pay some bills, and whatnot. But those are the highlights of my day that I focus on that feel playful and allow me to get those other tasks done. Easily an inflow,

Jen Lang: 00:22:13

I think it feels like there's another sort of episode waiting to come in about the difference between work and play and where they meet. And we've sort of referenced it around here. And we've talked about it. And hopefully this has given you some either listener some ways to reflect on what play means to you. If you don't have play in your life. What might it look like if you were to introduce something like play? You know, I've seen it with creative activities. So there's definitely maybe a conversation around creativity play in work. If you missed our episode, with Dr. Caroline Brookfield around creativity, you'll definitely want to go back and listen to that. I think it's Episode 28 or 29.

Jane Stark: 00:22:54

That's in that when it comes to work, right? Really amazing, really impressive statistics on how creativity impacts work, and productivity

Jen Lang: 00:23:05

flows from play. Yes. So we need a balance of play in our lives. And if you're feeling stuck in an aspect of your life, then definitely it's an empowerment playbook moment. Because we want you to play with that moment in your life in a way that's completely, hopefully might be outside of your comfort zone, or in a way that gives you your script scratches the surface, you look at the tip of the iceberg of why this feeling of stuckness is showing up in an aspect of your life.

Jane Stark: 00:23:38

Yeah, one of the things we call it, I'm one of my groups, we call it the algorithm interrupt, right, yeah. So when you're stuck, and you're just sort of feel like you're spinning in play, and creativity can be a great way to interrupt that. And it gets you out of and this is what our playbook is all about too, because this is kind of what Jen and I are all about, gets you out of your head and into your body and shifts up that energy, which is so powerful.

Jen Lang: 00:24:04

So on that note, I don't have a lot more to say about this currently, but I think we'll Park some ideas for the relationship between work and play and creativity for a future episode. If you're curious about the playbook, the empowerment playbook, you can download it. We will put the link in the show notes and we would love to hear from you. Yes, we'd love to hear from experiences about it. You can follow us on Instagram at we are Jen and Jane. And we'll be talking about probiotics. You will hear a lot more about it. On this happy note this happy, playful note. Go out and find an activity to play with today after you have finished listening to this episode. And we'd love to hear what did you play with? How did you play? Awesome. Have an amazing rest of your day. Talk to you soon. Bye. Thanks for joining us for these conscious combos. If you're ready to dive deeper, head on over to Leah Jen nj.com to continue the conversation.